I never let go, not really
by LottieLacey
Summary: Jack remembers everything that happened to them, and the life that he and Rose could have had. His deathly dreams are truly him waiting for Rose, until she is able to join him again.


**This is my take on Jack's 'dreams' after his death.**

**I hope you all like it. Please let my know what you think!**

* * *

"Never let go." Jack speaks, his whole heart breaking as the realization seeps through him that this is the end, that he cannot hold on for much longer. He had hoped that their parting words would be different, he wished that he was able to hold on for a little longer, to stay with Rose. But she would always be in his heart, as he would be in her's.

"I promise. I will never let go, Jack. I'll never let go." Her sweet, sweet voice warmed Jack's freezing heart and he tried to smile but was unable to. Rose's head was resting against his own now as their hands gripped onto each other, not wanting to, unable to let go.

It was quiet now, and only the sound of the water lapping up against the wooden plank could be heard. Jack's breathing was slowing now, as the last of his surviving organs slowly started to shut down. The pain had also dulled because Jack's mind was filled with only thoughts of Rose and how they would never have a future. He truly loved her with all of his heart and it pained him now to realise that he had never told him this. Did she know of how much love he had wanted to give her? Did she believe that Jack loved her? Would she carry that love through her life, as he wanted to her.

Slowly and without sound, Jack's eyelids slid over his eyes so that the darkness was more absolute. He could no longer see Rose's red hair but the joyous image of her filled his mind; smiling, laughing, singing, dancing, living, and loving. The opportunity to have been able to draw Rose had been the biggest honour that he had been given. The delicate moments that they had shared together, alone in the car, were the best moments of his life. Placing his arms around Rose's waist and allowing her to be set free like a little bird had brought Jack more happiness than he could have imagined. She was everywhere, filling all of his thoughts.

As Jack traveled down the white tunnel, he was only seeing memories of Rose filling his mind. Ice fishing with his father and helping his mother to bake as a little boy were irrelevant now. The love of his life, Rose Dewitt Bukater was the only thing that mattered. Her laugh, he cry, her voice, her body were the only thoughts in his mind. His life over only the last few days was flashing before his eyes... the only part of his life that mattered.

Drawing in on his last breath, Jack was unaware that he was about to pass. He was only aware of Rose's hand in his own and her sweet, sweet voice filling the air. The song he had sung to her, "Come Josephine in my flying machine...", were travelling through the air. In one last plea for love and life, Jack's hand closed around Rose's, squeezing it with as much strength that he could muster.

_I love you Rose. This is not good bye._

* * *

"Jack Dawson! You come here right this minute!" The sound of Rose annoyed made him chuckle lightly as she pushed through the doors to his cabin and wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him persistently on the lips. Jack kissed her back, chuckling as he did so and feeling her smile against his mouth. "We're leaving today! I've just been up onto the deck and I can see the Statue of Liberty!"

At that, Jack sat up straighter, a school-boy's grin covering his face. They were a day ahead of schedule, as the captain had planned and they would arrive in New York within only an hour. Once there, they planned to leave the ship as Third Class passengers and slip right under the noses of Rose's parents. Cal would be unable to do anything if they were able to get away. Although Jack was sure it was going to work, it didn't stop the butterflies from fluttering in his stomach.

"Rose. Are you sure you want to do this?" He voice was serious now as he placed both hands on the sides of her face. He could never live with himself if Rose destroyed her life for him.

"And pass up a life with you. Jack, are you crazy? Of course I do!" Her voice was raised now and Jack silenced her by planting a kiss onto her lips and hugging her to him. That was good then.

"Okay, okay. I needed to ask. I couldn't live with myself if you didn't." He whispered before scooping her into his arms and carrying her into the hallway. Rose had brought a small suitcase downstairs the night before. These would be the only possessions that she would bring with her when she left the only life that she had ever known. Although Jack knew he was ruining things for her, he truly didn't care. As long as Rose was with him, they were together, he would be happy.

* * *

"Let's go Jack, come on. What are you waiting for?!" Rose was becoming anxious now as Jack hurried along the passageways after her, pushing himself through the gaps between people that she could merely slip through. The ship was about to dock and she was determined to get off as one of the first Third Class passengers. Around her head was a shawl and she had borrowed a dress from one of the other women. Jack knew that nothing could go wrong for them now. Luck was on their side.

"I'm coming Rose. I'm coming!" He laughed, shoving past people and apologizing as he did so.

Finally, the couple reached the front of the queues leading to the exits of the boat. Everyone was talking excitedly and Jack quickly grabbed onto Rose's waist, laughing and holding her close to him. He didn't want to lose her in the crowd when everyone flocked from the ship. Many people were singing the USA national anthem, and others were chanting English folk songs. No one seemed to be low on spirits.

"Do you think everything's going be okay Jack?" Rose shouted above the noise, a frown covering her brow. Jack's hand reached up to stroke her face gently.

"Of course it will be Rose. Just remember, stick close to me and don't let go of my hand! Okay, can you do that for me?" Jack was asking her now, his own gaze boring into her eyes. Rose merely nodded as suddenly the whole ship was flooded with a bright light. People started to push forwards, out of the boat and into the fresh air.

* * *

The sound of a horse could be heard behind him and the heat clung to Jack like a second layer of skin. Rose was standing next to him, her eyes closed and her hand wrapped around Jack's. He realised that he was smiling and that he was holding the reigns of the horse in his other hand. Now he remembered what they were doing today. Rose Dewitt Bukater was going to learn to ride a horse like a man.

"Okay Rose, open your eyes." He whispered into her ear. When she did so, her beautiful laugh filled the whole of the stables and had Jack laughing along with her.

"Are we really doing this?" She giggled, her eyebrows raised and her eyes shining bright.

"Well... if you're too much of a coward..." Jack started.

"NO! Don't you call me a coward Jack Dawson." She turned around and heaved herself up onto the horse, flinging one leg over one side. Now she was sitting upon the horse like a man and her smile told Jack that she was content.

Another horse appeared at the side of Jack and he pulled himself up onto her back, taking the same position as Rose. She was doing better than he thought she would. There, sitting upon the horse, she looked like an angel. It didn't matter that this type of riding wasn't appropriate. It didn't matter that she had ruined whatever she had been taught at finishing school. This was the real Rose, the woman Jack loved.

"See, I told you that you had been mailed to the wrong address. You're a natural!"

And just to confirm his words, Rose kicked both sides of the horse and she was riding out into the sunny air. Jack followed close behind until they reached the beach. Out across the flat land, they were able to see the roller coaster they had ridden earlier that day. He had promised her all of this, and his promise was kept. Rose slowed her horse down to a trot so that she was now riding next to Jack.

"So, now I'm a real man?" Rose spoke with a Texan accent.

"Yes, definitely. You've learnt to spit like a man, ride like a man, you've just got to learn how to shoot tobacco like a man now!" He replied in his own version of the Texan accent. "But I'm sure you'll have no trouble doing that."

* * *

Jack Dawson was standing before a large crowd of people at the bottom of a warm garden. He could tell that Spring was upon them as the air was warm but not stifling and the birds sung in the trees. Standing next to him was a priest, but Jack was unable to think about him. He was busy thinking about the sight that he would see in just a couple of seconds.

Rose.

And there she was, walking down the aisle. Although they did not have much money, Rose looked more beautiful than anything he had ever seen. Dressed in a loose white cotton dress, Rose looked like an angel. Her hair was loose around her shoulders and white roses had been woven through it, creating a soft look. But she was not walking quick enough. Jack wanted to have his hands on her, but she wasn't close enough to him yet. They would be united today, declaring their undying love for each other.

"I'll never let go Jack." Rose spoke, her hands intertwined with his.

"I'll never let go Rose. I love you." He replied, and the scene floated away like a sweet tune into the air.

* * *

A cool breeze was upon Jack's face as he stood on the pier at the end of the habour. A boat could be seen on the horizon and its end was pointing straight up, out of the ocean. It was sinking, and Jack could do nothing but watch. After a couple of moments, the lights flickered off and the ocean was left in darkness, the only sign of life was that dreadful screaming that filled the air. He closed his eyes.

"To the stars." Rose whispered, before pulling him back into the seat. Jack landed next to her, his breath sounding loud in the quiet darkness.

"Are you nervous?" He asked, a look of concern covering his face.

"Au contraire, mon cher." She spoke. Jack acted on an impulse, reaching forward and stroking her face, cherishing every part of her, every memory. Her eyes were brighter than he had ever seen them and Jack felt content. Slowly and with purpose, Rose lifted Jack's hand. The touch of her skin upon his was like the finest silk. One by one, she kissed his fingers.

"Put your hands on me Jack." Rose whispered, and slowly, Jack obliged. His lips made their way to cover her's and they became one with each other. Her tongue seemed to dance against his and their hands were linked together. A thin sweat was now covering Jack's face as he focused on being gentle with Rose. He would never hurt her, and he would never do anything that she did not want him to do.

From then on, Jack knew that they were supposed to be forever. He could never leave Rose to live a life that had not been made for her. She needed to see the world. And he knew that this was just the beginning.

* * *

Jack could feel the smooth wood beneath his rough fingers as he ran his hand along the banister of the Grand Staircase. There were many people standing around Jack, and he knew that he was not wearing the correct clothing. This was the first class area of the ship, although he knew that there was nothing wrong here. The people standing around were of all classes, and not everyone was there. Jack knew that some people had got away long ago, that these were the people who were left behind. Close behind him, the ticking of the clock could be heard and Jack was aware that time was not passing, although it had been a very long time since the last second had passed.

Death had not been a passing.

Death had merely been memories lived.

Death had been years of waiting.

Waiting for Rose to join him.

After some time, or no time at all, the people around Jack began to turn away, looking towards the doors. Jack's heart was beating wildly in his chest now. So many other people had been able to reunite with their love's, standing here as he was. They were able to be together then, after reliving memories over and over again. Could she be here, after so much but so little time?

Finally, the doors opened and Jack's heart seemed to stop.

She was standing there.

Rose.

In all of her beauty, Rose was drifting towards Jack now. He was unable to focus on anything but her face and the true beauty that he had longed for all of this time. Yes, he had been happy, but this was more than anything he could have expected. She was here now, with him.

He was smiling now, as she started to climb the stairs, her own smile matching his. Everything about her was as he remembered it, but of course it was. This was the Rose that he had known, and would know forever. He thought about the things that could have been, the things that had been.

She reached the top of the staircase and then they came together, holding onto each other for dear life. The crowds around them began to cheer, and then Jack was kissing Rose. Their lips were desperate for each other, but they fit together perfectly.

"I'll never let go Jack." She whispered into his mouth. He could feel her smile upon his lips.

"I love you Rose." He told her for the first time ever.

And that was where heaven started.


End file.
